"The Jokes Are On Me"

By Jerry Zezima

I used to think, because I’m a kid at heart, and even more so at head, that I have the maturity level of a 9-year-old.

But I don’t think so anymore because a 9-year-old, who happens to be one of my grandchildren, thinks my jokes are stupid.

This was made abundantly clear when the sweet, smart and sassy girl, who is wise beyond her years, told me she’s Gen Alpha.

“Who’s Jen Alpha?” I asked with a goofy grin. “I’ve never heard of her.”

My granddaughter sighed, spun her eyes like pinwheels and said with a hint of exasperation, “Poppie, your jokes aren’t funny.”

You know you’re getting old — and pathetically outdated — when the jokes that used to make your kids cringe are now having the same effect on your grandchildren.

For my last birthday, one of my kids, who is the 9-year-old’s mother, gifted me with a trifecta of silliness: a large tin containing 400 Dad Jokes (“100% hilarious, so bad they’re good”) and two smaller boxes, one containing 60 All-American Dad Jokes (“the very best, or worst”), the other filled with Cheesy Jokes (“100 single cheesy jokes”).

That’s a grand total of 560 — my granddaughter, who got an A in math, helped me add them up — excruciatingly bad jokes. I love them!

My daughter has also given me two appropriate coffee mugs, one that says, “Dad Jokes: Served Fresh Daily,” and the other saying, “Ask Me About My Dad Jokes.”

All of this should dispel any notion that I am not, to use accepted psychological terminology, a complete idiot.

I achieved this dubious standing in the family hierarchy when my two daughters were as young as my five grandchildren, who range in age from 12 to 6.

It is during the difficult years between birth and whenever your kids move out of the house when you discover that they not only don’t want to be seen with you, but they don’t want other people to know you even exist.

This nerve-rattling humiliation is exacerbated if you, in your important role as Dad, open your mouth to say absolutely ridiculous things to: (a) your kids’ friends, (b) your kids’ friends’ parents, (c) your kids’ teachers or (d) all of them at the very same time.

It only gets worse if you make dumb jokes, in your children’s presence, to complete strangers.

Fast forward two decades, during which your spouse, your grown children and your grown children’s spouses have finally accepted your alleged witticisms with reactions ranging from mere shrugs to the unnerving sight of eyeballs rotating in their sockets.

Then, mercifully, come reinforcements: grandchildren!

Yes, indeed, you can always count on the grandkids to laugh at whatever you say, supremely stupid though it may be.

Not only that, but they are happy to be seen with you.

It’s especially gratifying if their parents (your grown children) are present when one of your grandchildren introduces you to their friends, their friends’ parents or their teachers.

On occasions such as this, I have grinned sappily, extended my hand and chirped, “Hi! I’m Poppie!”

My daughters have practically suffered whiplash while looking the other way. I’m sure that haunting flashbacks ensued.

When my 9-year-old granddaughter and her 12-year-old sister were younger, I bought them a book of knock-knock jokes. We would sit around reading them.

Grandchild: “Knock, knock.”

Me: “Who’s there?”

Grandchild: “Boo.”

Me: “Boo who?”

Grandchild: “Don’t cry, it’s only a joke!”

We would all collapse in paroxysms of laughter.

Not anymore. Sure, we still have fun, and I can occasionally get chuckles with some lame comment, but when it comes to sophistication and maturity, I am being passed up by my kids’ kids.

Maybe it’s time for me to come out with a great birthday gift of my own: Granddad Jokes (“100% hilarious, so bad they’re good”).

Copyright 2025 by Jerry Zezima