Friday, June 24, 2011

"The Weddings of the Century"

By Jerry Zezima

The Stamford Advocate

Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge

St. James’s Palace

Chapel Royal, Cleveland Row

London, England SW1A 1DH

Dear William and Kate:

I am writing somewhat belatedly to congratulate the two of you on your nuptials and to welcome you back from your honeymoon in the Seychelles.

I also want to thank you very much for being the opening act to the wedding of the century, the most magnificent event in Europe this year and, if you will pardon the expression, a true crowning achievement.

I refer, of course, to the wedding of my younger daughter, Lauren, who is my princess, and her husband, Guillaume, a prince of a guy, who were married in France on April 30, the day after your wedding.

They also had a lovely ceremony in the United States on June 5.

That means Lauren and Guillaume had two weddings and you had only one. I’m sure yours was very nice, although I had to read about it in the papers because I did not receive an invitation.

You must know that the Zezimas and the Windsors have had a chilly relationship since the Revolution, when an ancestor of mine, John Quincy Zezima, a columnist for the Colonial Advocate, wrote an investigative piece exposing King George’s war plans, thus leading to the Empire’s defeat.

The fact that my parents were not invited to the coronation of Queen Elizabeth or that my wife, Sue, and I were not on the guest list for the wedding of Charles and Diana is further proof of the chasm between our two families.

Naturally, I was hurt when Sue and I weren’t invited to your wedding, but then I realized that you knew we would be otherwise engaged with the big event for Lauren and Guillaume. And since we knew the two of you were getting married the day before, we didn’t send you, Charles, the Queen or anyone else in your family an invitation, though I admit the courtesy would have been nice. For that, I apologize.

Still, I wish you could have been in France for Lauren and Guillaume’s wedding, which was spectacular.

First, we went to the city hall in the charming village of Cadenet, the hometown of Guillaume’s family, the Roberts. After the mayor officially married Lauren and Guillaume, everyone went up the hill to a breathtaking 900-year-old church for a religious service that was performed in both French and English and was unforgettably moving.

Kate, I know your dress was sensational, and was the talk of two continents, but Lauren’s was even nicer. She was an absolutely beautiful bride. And Guillaume, in a classy gray suit that didn’t have epaulets, was a handsome groom.

Later, we attended a fabulous reception hosted by Guillaume’s parents, Martine and Pascal. It is nice to see that the Windsors and the Middletons get on so well. I am delighted to say the same about the Zezimas and the Roberts.

Martine and Pascal are wonderful. They welcomed us into their home the day before the wedding for a delicious meal, during which we talked, laughed and got to know each other. Language was not a barrier. Martine’s mother, who is affectionately called Grandma, won our hearts with her wit and warmth.

The Roberts continued their hospitality and generosity at the reception, the highlight of which was a slide show that was set to music and put together masterfully by Guillaume’s younger brother, Frederic. It showed Guillaume and the Robert family through the years and included, of course, Lauren. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

Throughout the day, we somehow managed to keep the paparazzi away.

While the two of you were in the Seychelles, Lauren and Guillaume honeymooned in Italy. When they got back, we had the American wedding, which was held at the Thatched Cottage, a lovely hall near our home on Long Island, N.Y. It also was a memorable day enjoyed by family and friends who toasted the beaming couple and treated them royally. You know the feeling.

Now that we are back to our normal lives, I just want to say that Sue and I wish the two of you nothing but the best. I am sure your family wishes the same for Lauren and Guillaume.

I hope this letter helps thaw the relationship between the Zezimas and the Windsors and that someday we can all get together to exchange wedding pictures. In the meantime, keep a stiff upper lip and give our best to the Queen.


Jerry Zezima

Copyright 2011 by Jerry Zezima


Suzette Standring said...

Congratulations on the official knotting of American French ties. Your family is the role model of love and international diplomacy. Happiness sweeps the continents!

Jerry Zezima said...

Merci beaucoup, Suzette!

JustRex said...

I can just imagine the raised eyebrow of the royal secretary. I do hope actually mailed this. And I wonder how their reply would have been worded?

Jerry Zezima said...

The column will be dropped in the mail soon, Darev2005. I'll report back on the response, if any.