Friday, August 8, 2008

"Baby Face Zezima"

By Jerry Zezima
The Stamford Advocate

Baby face, I’ve got the cutest little baby face.

Those are the lyrics I am singing to myself these days, not just because I smell like a baby, but because I look like one.

That is what I was told when I went to the makeup counter at a department store after finding out that wearing makeup is the latest fashion trend among men.

I had heard about it when I went to that same store with my wife, Sue, to buy cologne.

According to a recent story by The Associated Press, baby powder scent is popular in women’s perfumes. As a man who not only has been called a big baby but is often told to take a powder, I wondered if the same were true for men’s cologne.

"It’s true that baby powder scent is popular with women because they love that new baby smell," said a fragrance specialist named Phyllis. "I imagine men feel the same way."

"I have two daughters who are all grown up, but I can still remember what they smelled like when they were babies," I said. "I don’t think I want to smell like that."

"He never wanted to change their diapers," Sue explained.

Phyllis nodded knowingly and introduced me to Michael, the fragrance manager, who took me to the men’s counter to see if there was anything that would make me smell like a freshly changed infant. After being sprayed with an array of colognes, I picked Touch by Burberry, which is aptly named because it has a touch of baby powder.

"Baby powder is good," Michael said, "but the real trend among men these days is makeup. A lot of guys are buying it. It’s not for me, but if you want to look better, go for it."

That’s what I did a few days later, when I went back to the store, this time without Sue, and headed for the makeup counter, where I met Jenna, a makeup artist, and Keri, a beauty analyst.

"I sell a lot of self-tanners to guys," Keri said. "One application lasts for a week and makes you look bronzed."

"It also covers up acne," Jenna noted.

"My zits cleared up a long time ago," I said. Then I added, "I’m 54."

"Wow, you sure don’t look it," exclaimed Jenna, who is 19.

"You mean I look even older?" I wondered.

"Not at all," said Jenna. "You look very young – you know, for your age."

"You have very healthy-looking skin," said Keri, who is 23. "And no wrinkles."

"Except for these crow’s-feet around my eyes," I remarked. "It looks like a flock of birds landed on my face."

"Those aren’t crow’s-feet," Keri assured me. "They’re smile lines."

I smiled. "I guess I don’t need plastic surgery," I said, "although I ought to cut up my credit cards. That would really be plastic surgery."

Keri and Jenna smiled. They didn’t have crow’s-feet. But they did have a color chart they used as a guide to determine my skin tone.

"On this spectrum," Keri pointed out, "you are in the red and orange range. They’re warm colors, which means you would look good wearing brown, green or gold."

I was wearing blue, but I guess it didn’t matter.

Keri then dipped a buff brush into a small jar of powdery makeup and started applying it to my face. "This helps cover pores and blemishes," she said, "but you really don’t have any. Your face is very clear. And very smooth."

"Like a baby’s?" I asked.

"Yes," said Keri, adding that some guys buy makeup to cover blotches and even use eyeliner. "They want to hide their imperfections," she said.

"It’s probably a clever rouge to attract women," I guessed.

"I think that’s the reason," said Keri, who handed me a mirror.

"I don’t notice any difference," I said.

"You don’t need makeup," said Jenna, who saved me a lot of money because the stuff that Keri applied costs $32.50 per 0.31-ounce jar.

When I got home, I told Sue about my makeup session. "I look like a baby and I smell like a baby," I said.

Sue nodded and replied, "So when are you going to grow up?"

Copyright 2008 by Jerry Zezima


PJK said...

Hey Jerry,

How long are you spending in those department stores, being fawned over by bimbos? You probably have a closet full of samples.

The bimbos are paid nicely to say stuff lik, "You look so much younger," "Your behind is high and tight." Come on, Jerry. Come out of fantasy land.

Go to CVS and buy some Old Spice. It'll keep you out of trouble.


Anonymous said...

This just proves you are still a big baby and love to have fun at the same time .

Lucie said...

Maybe that makeup was supposed to be applied to the OTHER cheeks ?! You might look, and occasionally, smell like a baby, but I would not suggest walking around with a Binky in your mouth. Small children could be frightened.....