By Jerry Zezima
Ever since I became a grandfather, and have proudly remained the most immature member of the family, I have often been asked if I spoil my grandchildren.
“No,” I always reply. “That’s my wife’s job. My job is to corrupt them.”
This makes me supremely qualified to be a grandparent coach.
I got the idea for this heretofore nonexistent job after reading an item in the Old Farmer’s Almanac about empty-nest coaches, who are “giving advice to parents whose offspring have left for college.”
As the father of two daughters who flew the coop long ago and are now the mothers of my five grandkids, I have these important pieces of advice for abandoned parents:
(a) Rest assured that the kids will return home periodically to mooch meals, do laundry, use your car and ask for money.
(b) Even after they move out for good, the nest will never be empty because a lot of their stuff will still be in your house.
Now, as the grandfather of three girls and two boys ranging in age from 11 to 5, all of whom consider me their favorite toy, I have these important pieces of advice for fellow grandparents who could use a little coaching:
(a) Never turn down an opportunity to see your grandchildren, especially when you can do fun things with them like going to the zoo, baking cupcakes, riding on a carousel, going out for ice cream, blowing bubbles, playing hide-and-seek, splashing in kiddie pools, attending dance recitals, painting pictures, pushing them on swings, jumping on trampolines, giving horsey-back rides and so much more.
(b) Get rid of your adult children’s stuff and make room for toys, games, books, clothes, musical instruments, watercolors, paintbrushes, colored pencils, drawing paper, artwork, homemade birthday cards, candy dishes, plastic chairs, small tables, little step stools, rubber duckies, Wiffle balls, flip-flops, dollhouses, costume jewelry and other priceless things that can be hazardous if you trip over them but will make your grandkids feel right at home.
A grandparent bonus: Starting at age 5, your grandchildren can be your technical support system. This comes in handy if you don’t know how to find their favorite cartoons on your own television or where to download a sports app on your smartphone, which obviously has a dumb owner.
Another great thing about being a grandparent is hearing your children say the same things to their kids that you used to say to them.
“Eat your vegetables or you don’t get any dessert!”
“Brush your teeth and go to bed!”
“For crying out loud, get off the phone!”
“Pick up your toys! What do you think this is, a pigsty?”
You can then smile knowingly and say, “Don’t be so hard on them.”
This will put you in your grandchildren’s good graces forever.
It will also make the young ones happy to be seen with you. I’m sure you remember when your kids were in school and didn’t want their friends to know you even existed.
When you are a grandparent, however, you can flaunt the undeniable fact that your grandkids love your company.
This is especially true if you spoil them, as my wife does, by giving them candy or lollipops when their parents don’t want you to.
Or you can take it a step further by corrupting them, as I do, which entails telling silly jokes, doing Three Stooges imitations or singing like a chicken.
But the most important things you can do as a grandparent is to show your grandchildren how much you love them and to acknowledge that your children are good parents. My wife, Sue, and I, known to our grandkids as Nini and Poppie, are proud to say that our daughters are wonderful mothers. And their husbands are terrific fathers.
That’s why we have the best grandchildren on earth. Sorry, fellow grandparents, but it’s just a fact.
So take the advice of Coach Poppie and you’ll be a winner with the kiddies. You might even achieve the ultimate goal of being your grandchildren’s favorite toy.
Copyright 2024 by Jerry Zezima
